The Chinitos Files

These are the Chinitos Files, named after the infamous gimik place in Canelar Airport area. Where unavailable men bring their current flavors of the month. Where indecent proposals are born. Where good doctors become half-assed versions of themselves. Where frustrations with current "special friends" are forgotten. Where ZCMC residents become IWs.

Read on if you dare...


Lame Excuses To Tell Your Friends During Inuman When the BF/GF is Telling You to Come Na... Now.. Or Else


The gf/bf is horny. He/She is texting you incredibly steamy messages. But you're caught in a late night inuman session with your friends who know you inside out and will never let you out of your sight. So what do you do?

Here are a list of lame excuses you can tell your friends. Match the following excuses with the people most likely to say them (Jay-ar, Elgie, Doc Bastero, Choie, Van-van, Jackie, Janet, Mae):

1. "Paload lang ako."

2. "Di pa dumadating yung load. Sabihan ko lang yung may-ari ng loading station."

3. "Pa-gas up lang ako."

4. "Bili lang ako ng cheesebread."

5. "Bili lang ako ng yosi."

6. "Bili lang ako ng Snow Bear."

7. "Susuka lang ako sa labas."

8. "Gusto ko ng kwek-kwek."

9. "Hanap na ako ni Uncle."

10. "Hatid ko lang si Jackie."


The Medical Representative


He comes in, dressed in his striped brown and white 3/4th sleeved polo shirt and black slacks. He smelled great, looked great and he knew it. Surrounded by his friends, casual in their jeans and shirts, he looked like THE MAN.

"Pa-cover lang ako... Maxxx candy, indicated for sore throat and acute laryngeal infections. With the bioefficacy comparable to other brands but has lesser side effects. It is available at a cheaper cost, sold only 3 for P2.00 and available in cherry, lemon, orange, eucalyptus and calamansi flavor. It is now available in all groceries and sari-sari stores nationwide."

Inom pa, Jay. Inom pa.


The Dean's List Awardee


Bwaaarrkkkk...

"Hoy pare, okay ka lang?"

Bwaaaarrrkkkk...

Sprawled out in the unclean floors of the public comfort room, she hugs the toilet bowl as if it was her long-lost friend.

Bwaaaarrrrkkk...

The disgusting and eclectic mixture of tacos, beer and the night's dinner are spread out on the walls of the tiny comfort room, like an unappreciated work of art. The renowned ZCMC-IM senior resident grabs a mop and morphs into an IW as he cleans up his friend's vomit.

Bwaaarrkkkk...

"Net, okay ka lang diyan?"

Bwaaaarrrkkkkk....

The Dean's List Awardee has finally met her match.

And his name is San Miguel Strong Ice.


*** To Jackie, Van-van, Janet, Doc Bastero, Elgie, Choie and Jay-ar, I had fun last night, mga pare ko! Let's do that again sometime soon... Pero, hinay-hinay na Jan, sa inom. Bakit kasi kailangan pang habulin sa inom si Jay-ar? Kung nagpasahan kayo ng candy sa bibig, eh di sana, mas matutuwa pa kami niyan sa inyo. Wahahaha...

Top 10 Most Frequently Asked Questions to Interns During Internship

10. From what school are you?

Like it would matter. They all treat us the same anyway. Semi-slaves to the residents, the unofficial IWs the consultants would ask to buy their Coke in can and siopao outside the hospital, the one they would scream obscenities with if the lab results were not pasted in the freakin’ patient’s charts, the one they would pimp to the technicians in the X-ray room to get the films of their patients, the one they would blame their irresponsibilities with if the patient dies because they weren’t able to answer to the referral soon enough since they were too busy cavorting in the other wards when they were supposed to be in the ER. Di ba, Allen? Hehehe…

Although in fairness, some residents lang naman. Hehehe…


9. How old are you?

Oo na. So maybe I look like I’m 15 parading around in my white blazer and pretending to be a doctor. It’s not my fault I came from a good genetic background and I look younger than you by, say, 10 years. Go to a spa and get a facial and a massage on your days off, for god’s sake. Nang hindi ka naman mukhang toxic and 40 all the time, when you’re standing next to me.


8. What are you planning to specialize on?

Isn’t the point of internship to make me think about what I wanna do for the rest of my life? Stop convincing me to go into your specialty, just so you can have the opportunity to boss me around for a longer time. I’m a freakin’ scholar for god’s sake! I’ve got four more years to think about what I wanna specialize in. Not to mention, I’m still trying to survive these next few months in this hospital. Quit it!


7. Kumain ka na?

What a stupid question! How the hell am I supposed to eat when you’re not in the ER to take my post? Am I supposed to close the ER and stop taking patients for 20 minutes so that I can eat? Maybe I can ask the pregnant woman with the fully dilated cervix to stop screaming and wait for me to finish my meal before I start rushing her to the DR, or the seizing baby to stop convulsing and foaming in the mouth so that I can get my three spoonfuls of rice in my already cachectic body. I’m so freakin’ hungry, I may just start eating my stethoscope.


6. Anong rotation mo ngayon?

Smell me. Ano sa tingin mo?


5. Admission yan, doc?

No, we just enjoy poking and hurting little babies by putting them in an IV. And I’m just using these filled up history sheet, admitting orders sheet and discharge summary sheet as a fan to keep myself cool while I slave away my hours in the ER… Heller! Ano sa tingin mo?


4. Toxic kayo?

Not really. I just enjoy looking like crap. I just don’t like to comb my hair, I just enjoy the sensation of oil in my face, I just love the smell of lochia in my clothes, I particularly cherish those huge dark bags under my eyes and I don’t like sleeping at all.

Yup. Hindi kami toxic at all.


3. Are you a doctor?

So wala pa akong lisensiya. Kung aangal ka, get the hell off my face.


2. Do you know what you’re doing?

Deadma.


1. May boyfriend ka na ba?

Wala. Bakit, mag-aaply ka?... O, yan ang hirit ng intern na walang magawa sa buhay. Tulad ng mga nasa Optha, Psych and Radio ngayon. Wehehe…