Top 10 Most Frequently Asked Questions to Interns During Internship

10. From what school are you?

Like it would matter. They all treat us the same anyway. Semi-slaves to the residents, the unofficial IWs the consultants would ask to buy their Coke in can and siopao outside the hospital, the one they would scream obscenities with if the lab results were not pasted in the freakin’ patient’s charts, the one they would pimp to the technicians in the X-ray room to get the films of their patients, the one they would blame their irresponsibilities with if the patient dies because they weren’t able to answer to the referral soon enough since they were too busy cavorting in the other wards when they were supposed to be in the ER. Di ba, Allen? Hehehe…

Although in fairness, some residents lang naman. Hehehe…


9. How old are you?

Oo na. So maybe I look like I’m 15 parading around in my white blazer and pretending to be a doctor. It’s not my fault I came from a good genetic background and I look younger than you by, say, 10 years. Go to a spa and get a facial and a massage on your days off, for god’s sake. Nang hindi ka naman mukhang toxic and 40 all the time, when you’re standing next to me.


8. What are you planning to specialize on?

Isn’t the point of internship to make me think about what I wanna do for the rest of my life? Stop convincing me to go into your specialty, just so you can have the opportunity to boss me around for a longer time. I’m a freakin’ scholar for god’s sake! I’ve got four more years to think about what I wanna specialize in. Not to mention, I’m still trying to survive these next few months in this hospital. Quit it!


7. Kumain ka na?

What a stupid question! How the hell am I supposed to eat when you’re not in the ER to take my post? Am I supposed to close the ER and stop taking patients for 20 minutes so that I can eat? Maybe I can ask the pregnant woman with the fully dilated cervix to stop screaming and wait for me to finish my meal before I start rushing her to the DR, or the seizing baby to stop convulsing and foaming in the mouth so that I can get my three spoonfuls of rice in my already cachectic body. I’m so freakin’ hungry, I may just start eating my stethoscope.


6. Anong rotation mo ngayon?

Smell me. Ano sa tingin mo?


5. Admission yan, doc?

No, we just enjoy poking and hurting little babies by putting them in an IV. And I’m just using these filled up history sheet, admitting orders sheet and discharge summary sheet as a fan to keep myself cool while I slave away my hours in the ER… Heller! Ano sa tingin mo?


4. Toxic kayo?

Not really. I just enjoy looking like crap. I just don’t like to comb my hair, I just enjoy the sensation of oil in my face, I just love the smell of lochia in my clothes, I particularly cherish those huge dark bags under my eyes and I don’t like sleeping at all.

Yup. Hindi kami toxic at all.


3. Are you a doctor?

So wala pa akong lisensiya. Kung aangal ka, get the hell off my face.


2. Do you know what you’re doing?

Deadma.


1. May boyfriend ka na ba?

Wala. Bakit, mag-aaply ka?... O, yan ang hirit ng intern na walang magawa sa buhay. Tulad ng mga nasa Optha, Psych and Radio ngayon. Wehehe…